In the middle

So life is crazy.  Like real crazy. And in the midst of this craziness I have been a liiiiiiiittle (ok a lot) crabby, annoyed, frustrated, aggravated….you get the picture.  And in the midst of this, I forgot who I was.  I forgot that I am a child of God, I am a princess, I am LOVED.

Being busy means we have to prioritize the things we do and when we do it.  I find that sleep is becoming less and less important to me even when it becomes more and more important to my sanity.  I have been realizing how this lack of sleep and crazy schedule is making me treat others.  And frankly, I don’t like it.  Not one bit.  It’s not who I am.  It kinda breaks my heart that I have been treating the ones I love so badly.  The people that I know, without a doubt, have my back are the ones I am getting mad at, getting short with, and pushing away.  I tell a lot of people a lot of things but sometimes I don’t tell them the most important things that are happening in my heart.

I like to think that I am a very open person but a lot of times I am a very closed off person.  When things are good I like to tell people, when a bad event happens I will tell people, but when those things effect my heart I don’t always tell people.  When things get really bad often I cry. Alone.  Because I don’t want others to see this part of me.  Over my life I have been told I am: smiley, always happy, bubbly, easy to approach, outgoing, etc.  Sometimes I feel like I can’t be sad because it doesn’t live up to those ideas.  Which is totally not true.  Every person has such a wide range of emotions but I feel like we aren’t comfortable sharing them.  Now granted I will say that there needs to be a filter on what we share; I will also offer up that I am the first person who needs to work on their filter.

But while life is crazy and we wanna cry, why can’t we get together with some trusted friends and watch a sad movie, cry a little and have some healing time?  This is much more likely to brighten someones day then sitting alone in a room will.  Not that being alone is bad; it can be very good but God has made us for relationships.  We can’t do this alone and that is something I think people, myself included, needs to work on.

I mean here I am cranky, annoyed, frustrated and worn out when I have everything going for me!  I am at one of the best colleges in the midwest (ok bias might be included here…), living with some of the best people I know, I have a support system some people only dream of, I have dreams that might actually be within reach, I have food everyday plus some.  And yet in the middle of this I forget who I am, where I am, and that I am great.  More then great.  I am loved, provided for, supported, and encouraged.

And yet it is so hard to find the blessings…


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