So life is crazy. Like real crazy. And in the midst of this craziness I have been a liiiiiiiittle (ok a lot) crabby, annoyed, frustrated, aggravated….you get the picture. And in the midst of this, I forgot who I was. I forgot that I am a child of God, I am a princess, I am LOVED.
Being busy means we have to prioritize the things we do and when we do it. I find that sleep is becoming less and less important to me even when it becomes more and more important to my sanity. I have been realizing how this lack of sleep and crazy schedule is making me treat others. And frankly, I don’t like it. Not one bit. It’s not who I am. It kinda breaks my heart that I have been treating the ones I love so badly. The people that I know, without a doubt, have my back are the ones I am getting mad at, getting short with, and pushing away. I tell a lot of people a lot of things but sometimes I don’t tell them the most important things that are happening in my heart.
I like to think that I am a very open person but a lot of times I am a very closed off person. When things are good I like to tell people, when a bad event happens I will tell people, but when those things effect my heart I don’t always tell people. When things get really bad often I cry. Alone. Because I don’t want others to see this part of me. Over my life I have been told I am: smiley, always happy, bubbly, easy to approach, outgoing, etc. Sometimes I feel like I can’t be sad because it doesn’t live up to those ideas. Which is totally not true. Every person has such a wide range of emotions but I feel like we aren’t comfortable sharing them. Now granted I will say that there needs to be a filter on what we share; I will also offer up that I am the first person who needs to work on their filter.
But while life is crazy and we wanna cry, why can’t we get together with some trusted friends and watch a sad movie, cry a little and have some healing time? This is much more likely to brighten someones day then sitting alone in a room will. Not that being alone is bad; it can be very good but God has made us for relationships. We can’t do this alone and that is something I think people, myself included, needs to work on.
I mean here I am cranky, annoyed, frustrated and worn out when I have everything going for me! I am at one of the best colleges in the midwest (ok bias might be included here…), living with some of the best people I know, I have a support system some people only dream of, I have dreams that might actually be within reach, I have food everyday plus some. And yet in the middle of this I forget who I am, where I am, and that I am great. More then great. I am loved, provided for, supported, and encouraged.
And yet it is so hard to find the blessings…