I hate to be that girl who posts about how life sucks and how she wishes “you would still be there” but sometimes life gets the best of you! Lately it’s been hard for me to keep these thoughts at bay and not let them overrule my Facebook posts and twitter posts. But with Christmas here and me hanging out with the family, it has brought up feelings I think almost every single person has felt. I’ve been wanting someone to share the holiday with. Someone else’s house to go to on Christmas or Christmas Eve; someone to trade gifts and someone to invite to the family dinner. Being the third wheel at your own house on Christmas is definitely in the top most depressing moments. You are sitting there while the other four people there are cuddling and being cute.
I know that this is one of the most selfish points of view I could have. There I was sitting among a bunch of new stuff with my entire family healthy and happy while there were others who have just lost family, are losing family, or who maybe don’t have a home for their family. I know that God has blessed me enormously with the things and people that I do have but it is sometimes hard for me to see this. I know someone who is battling cancer and he has the best attitude. One that I can only dream of having in the near future. He sees everything as a blessing, the opportunity to go to the hospital is a blessing. He is using his cancer for God’s kingdom with a mindset that is encouraging and so incredibly humbling. So while I sit there and thought about how I felt alone and so depressed because I don’t have a man to share it with, I should have been thinking about how God has blessed me with everything I need and more. I am healthy and have every opportunity to share his love. Plus God is there to fill any voids that I might have. He should be the only thing that I focus on ever let alone on Christmas!
Yes, I sometimes want a boyfriend. Yes, sometimes I want the guy I like to KNOW I like him. Yes, sometimes I dream of him asking me out….finally after however long I have liked him. But, yes I do see that it probably won’t happen. But I can and should be at peace with that, I have God. The one and only who can fill the empty. The one who should fill the empty before I even start dating. Because if I look to guys to fill the void, it will never be filled and my relationships will never work. A guy needs to go through God in order to get to me. I’ve been told it my whole life but it is so true and instead of wallowing in my pity and loneliness I need to focus on Him and His grace.
He is everything and can fill any and every void. So when I feel like being “that girl” and posting about how I wish he knew and how I wish I had someone, I need to turn my focus to God and his filling power. The filling power of his grace and love. This is what will complete me in every way. And when I do find a man, a man that God has planned, God will complete the relationship and me.
*He is everything*